I react strongly.
It doesn't matter if you're my friend, my 'enemy,' my boss, my colleague, my husband, my mother, my daughter or no one of importance at all. I react strongly. People, in general, don't agree all the time and that means from a statistical standpoint, every person will not see eye to eye with someone at some point. It does not matter how much you love them, respect them, or how often you normally agree with them.
It will happen. The same process applies to writing. But let me finish explaining the above paragraph.
This week, I've experienced two incidents where I reacted strongly, three if you count the writing related one.
The first I blogged about earlier, where I asked who's rules we us in our writing. In defending proper grammar in a brochure for the office, my strong reaction and staunch defense of how to use the English language could have gotten me fired for insubordination. I was trying to maintain (or improve) our public image by using correct sentences, but the sentence structure didn't read write according to some others in the office, which to me meant it needed another round of editing, but the brochure was on deadline. End of story.
The second incident involved a friend. She did what she felt was necessary to alert a friend of mine that she felt harmed by an incident that happened months ago and involved me. I defended my friend who did the hurting. My friend, 'the victim,' now hates me for making this about me. I asked her if we could please talk about what had happened, because my other friend and I hurt her and her son, and I didn't want it to happen again.
She sent me angry, extremely long emails for 24 hours. And I told her I was willing to talk but I wouldn't email because in email I couldn't hear her voice, see her face, or read her body language. She reminded me that she had a problem with face-to-face confrontation and wouldn't be subjected to that. I didn't plan on confronting anyone. I wanted to listen. Even I can listen, if I know you're upset and have something to say.
She didn't like my strong reaction (in defending my friend). And we both used the incident to air some feelings that hurt each other. As friends, we were opposites in most mundane ways, in food, in tastes, in education. And the differences that once made our points-of-view interesting to each other, have now created hurtful difference. If she's not willing to talk to me, we can't fix it.
Both incidents revolve around reactions to words. If you want a calm, rational reaction, don't come near me. If you can handle passionate emotion, tell me whatever you want.
The same words will always cause different reactions in different people.
I told the following story to two of my friends. I told Tracy, my fashionista/photographer girlfriend, and Tiffani, my writer/mom of four kids girlfriend.
The tale:
After school today, all the kindergartners came out of the school, boys and girls, their faces stained with lipstick. Each family had been asked to send it the brightest lipstick they could find. For the 100th day of school, they applied their own lipstick and kissed a big paper heart 100 times. I told my daughter that when we got home she could wash her face with Mommy's special soap. This thrilled her.
A summary of Tiffani's reaction:
I can just see all those cute five-year-olds with their lipstick faces. How did your daughter's lipstick color work out?
(Tiffani is an Avon lady who helped me find a lipstick.)
A summary of Tracy's reaction:
I'm proud that she has taken an interest in proper skin care. It's never too early.
(Tracy recently took me to the store and helped me buy the 'special soap' and some moisturizers.)
I will never get the same reaction from any two people with the same words. We need to remember this in our writing. I got the judging sheets back from one of the writing contests I entered. Numerically, I scored well. My entry came back with lots of "nice" next to sentences and lots of comments about the uniqueness and the general good quality. And the potential in hot markets.
And I got several comments that completely contradicted each other. Instances where the three judges disagreed. One said 'this sucks.' The other said, 'I love this.' And the other didn't mention it at all. This, to me, qualifies as success. Because if two people were driven to a strong reaction, but a third didn't even notice, then I have done something that will make people think, potentially 66% of the time. As writers, we want to be noticed. We don't want to be ignored or forgotten.
I must admit, even with my critique group, I take writing so seriously that my feelings are attached to every word. I have to constantly remind myself that the comments don't bear nearly as much weight as I think they do, and as I tell my interns at the office, "if the words sound harsh it's because there's potential there for so much more."
One judge upset me because she took issue with three words in my 27-page entry that she felt were out-of-place. She accused me of picking these words randomly from a thesaurus. I don't use a thesaurus. I don't always use perfect words, and yes, I do sometimes misuse them. This hurts, because I always heard similar comments from newspaper editors. In that case, I used the words correctly but my editors thought the general public would need a dictionary to understand them.
The other reminders that people will always find mistakes in your work, no matter how you try to get it perfect... One judge spent some time arguing which car is faster, the Dodge Viper or the Mercedes CLK430. Another judge wrote me a paragraph about how you never iron napkins. (Étienne irons the napkins because he's nervous and he wants everything to be perfect.)
To say I have a lot on mind is an understatement.
Showing posts with label reader. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reader. Show all posts
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Reading Challenge
My daughter came home with a reading challenge for school. The top readers in each grade level will get to have lunch with visiting author Michael Patrick O'Neal. My daughter (who, in half-day kindergarten, does not eat lunch at school) wants to win.
Reading is the first step to learning. It's the first step to any sort of education. It's pivotal if you wish to be well-spoken. And it's necessary if you wish to write.
The rules for this challenge say that as long as a book is in the child's hand, it counts.
As soon as I finished this week's log and stuffed in it her folder, after she told me she was done reading, she sat and completed a phonics workbook I bought her for Christmas. Then, she did the time one, which isn't reading, but we did have to read the directions. Then she said she was done and wanted to play. What did she play? She read to her dolls.
So, since she "finished" reading, she's read an additional 40 minutes.
But this is the child who used to carry a phone book through the grocery store and read the yellow pages as a preschooler. This is the child who asked her grandmother to read her the thesaurus. This is the child who has sat beside her father and heard every one of the Harry Potter books.
I can read a lot, but even when I'm not busy, I don't read nearly as much as perhaps I should. I think my standards are too high. I like to read good books, and I force myself to read the big trend books. But... I can't relax my adoration of the language to read crap books.
Is that bad?
In my history class, our reading includes a section about the French attitude toward the superiority and the purity of their language over others. They also say that English is a very easy language to speak poorly and that as English speakers we tolerate people speaking our language incorrectly. I concur 100%. How about you?
Reading is the first step to learning. It's the first step to any sort of education. It's pivotal if you wish to be well-spoken. And it's necessary if you wish to write.
The rules for this challenge say that as long as a book is in the child's hand, it counts.
- Reading to your child counts
- Your child reading independently counts
- Reading directions on homework counts
- Young children flipping through picture books counts
As soon as I finished this week's log and stuffed in it her folder, after she told me she was done reading, she sat and completed a phonics workbook I bought her for Christmas. Then, she did the time one, which isn't reading, but we did have to read the directions. Then she said she was done and wanted to play. What did she play? She read to her dolls.
So, since she "finished" reading, she's read an additional 40 minutes.
But this is the child who used to carry a phone book through the grocery store and read the yellow pages as a preschooler. This is the child who asked her grandmother to read her the thesaurus. This is the child who has sat beside her father and heard every one of the Harry Potter books.
I can read a lot, but even when I'm not busy, I don't read nearly as much as perhaps I should. I think my standards are too high. I like to read good books, and I force myself to read the big trend books. But... I can't relax my adoration of the language to read crap books.
Is that bad?
In my history class, our reading includes a section about the French attitude toward the superiority and the purity of their language over others. They also say that English is a very easy language to speak poorly and that as English speakers we tolerate people speaking our language incorrectly. I concur 100%. How about you?
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Writers, Readers and Friends
A friend of mine asked if she could read one of my stories some day... every time she mentions it, I had brushed the thought aside. She's a "new" friend who works at the local library and has a European background and a literary taste similar to mine.
As writers, we gather friends around us who are other writers, readers, or "bookless" folk. When one of the more "bookless" friends asks to read something, I always worry it's just a polite offer to show interest in something I do. I avoid dealing with these offers. Until they get wrapped up in my literary pursuits some other way.
Now, writer friends fall into two camps: the anxious and the reluctant. Both are dangerous. The anxious writer friend wants to read you as soon as possible, as if to judge you and base your friendship on what your words do. These writers can be dangerous. They're the ones that can sometimes push too far in "helping" and try to influence your work in ways you don't want and then you're stuck telling them their ideas suck.
The reluctant reader is the writer friend whose voice you respect, and you want to read their stuff because you like them so much (becoming the anxious reader from above) and you want to know if they like your stuff. Almost like seeking compatibility as much as moral support. But you don't want to ask or be pushy.
My new friend is a reader, and readers are the best friends writers can have. They read the work and react to it without trying to influence it. They are honest without looking for things to fix and they can read the work without pushing their own style on it.
But as a friend, considerate writers need to remember not to overwhelm their reader friends with too many requests. That's why I'm often reluctant to take advantage of a new reader friend, because that level of intimacy changes the relationship. As the author, you have certain questions you want to ask, but you don't want to become a pest or desperate.
So, if you ask to read my stuff, remember this.
As writers, we gather friends around us who are other writers, readers, or "bookless" folk. When one of the more "bookless" friends asks to read something, I always worry it's just a polite offer to show interest in something I do. I avoid dealing with these offers. Until they get wrapped up in my literary pursuits some other way.
Now, writer friends fall into two camps: the anxious and the reluctant. Both are dangerous. The anxious writer friend wants to read you as soon as possible, as if to judge you and base your friendship on what your words do. These writers can be dangerous. They're the ones that can sometimes push too far in "helping" and try to influence your work in ways you don't want and then you're stuck telling them their ideas suck.
The reluctant reader is the writer friend whose voice you respect, and you want to read their stuff because you like them so much (becoming the anxious reader from above) and you want to know if they like your stuff. Almost like seeking compatibility as much as moral support. But you don't want to ask or be pushy.
My new friend is a reader, and readers are the best friends writers can have. They read the work and react to it without trying to influence it. They are honest without looking for things to fix and they can read the work without pushing their own style on it.
But as a friend, considerate writers need to remember not to overwhelm their reader friends with too many requests. That's why I'm often reluctant to take advantage of a new reader friend, because that level of intimacy changes the relationship. As the author, you have certain questions you want to ask, but you don't want to become a pest or desperate.
So, if you ask to read my stuff, remember this.
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