Tearing up a page

As writers, we can't be afraid to completely destroy our work. In my case, I'm currently working on "draft two" of Courting Apparitions, the second volume of my Fashion and Fiends series. I don't like this book as much as my other books because it's a problem child. Originally, half of the book passed before the haunting really started and it's a ghost story so this was a huge issue in pacing.

I call this my "second draft" because I've lost track of how many times I've rewritten the first six chapters trying to restructure.

As of today, my main male character, Étienne, (insomniac) French fashion designer extraordinaire, is sleeping. His very pregnant fiancée/ex-wife has woken and discovers his face bruised and swollen.

Now, this scene is from Étienne's point of view. The chapter is new. The premise is new. Last chapter Étienne got punched in the face, something that has never happened before but works very nicely now that I thought of it.

But his significant other (much simpler than explaining their relationship here) does not realize he "sneaked" to a bar in the middle of the night and got punched in the face. So, she's a little freaked out.

I escalated this into a scene, where she rouses him from sleep and demands to know what happened. Now the reader was there. And Étienne has already recounted it once to his friends. Does the reader really need to see it a third time? No. So I deleted the approximately 400 words between Étienne and his beloved Basilie. I reduced it to this:

Screams woke him at the first light of daybreak.
“What happened to you?” his wife yelled.
“Fight,” he muttered groggily as he rolled away from her.
“Very funny, Étienne. Did you fall?”
“No,” he grumbled as he returned to sleep.

I hope this works. My husband originally voted for Basilie not to notice. That she sees the poor insomniac finally sleeps and leaves him alone, all curled in the covers, and she doesn't get close enough to see.

I don't know if that would work, because he sleeps facing her... and how can you miss a purple face?

One of my girlfriends thinks she'd shake him awake and demand an explanation but in light of his insomnia, that seems rude if it's clear he's not in danger.

Because he's a bit of a carefree sort, I have Basilie think he's joking. And she'll approach the topic again at breakfast.

But if it doesn't work, I'll tear it up again...

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Later...

I have been at work all day and haven't looked at the passage in question, but I did come up with a "typical" Étienne quip for his response when she asks if he fell. I probably won't use it, because I don't think anyone can be this witty on a couple hours sleep. But here goes.

Setup: In addition to the barfight, it is important to note that Étienne has spent the last six months walking with a cane because his leg healed crooked after he broke it in a car accident.

Screams woke him at the first light of daybreak.
“What happened to you?” his wife yelled.
“Fight,” he muttered groggily as he rolled away from her.
“Very funny, Étienne. Did you fall?”
“No,” he grumbled as he returned to sleep. "I hit myself in the face with my cane."