Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Hurtful memories

I'm not 'scheduled' to have a blog entry here until tomorrow. But I had to write.

This is my current facebook status: Angel Ackerman knows her writer friends can sympathize. A song popped on while the music was on shuffle, and it hit me it the gut, because I'd never heard the lyrics before and it reminded me of a tender moment between characters before one of them 'died.'

My daughter asked to listen to some music. When she requests this, I put iTunes on my laptop on shuffle. A song popped on that I hadn't ever really listened to the lyrics. "Small Favors" by Fountains of Wayne.

The song begins:
I have to sit you down
Let me tell you what it's all about
'Cause I've been carrying a torch around
And I've forgotten how to snuff it out

And you have been unkind
And that’s a matter I cannot ignore
You have to skirt around the truth sometimes
But it’s time I told you what I came here for

To thank you for all the small favors
I’m thinkin’ now I hope it doesn’t change us
And take us to a time when we were strangers
In a two-station town
You can’t get the train to slow down

Small favors
Oh to you as sure as she was honest
And now do you remember when you promised
To forgive me someday
The debts that I can’t repay

And this song, that I've known for years, suddenly hit my in the gut with an overwhelming sadness. Because one of my characters has an unrequited love for another character, and he does do more 'small favors' for her than she can ever repay. And she dies. So, it's some heavy thinking...

I can't shake this emotional upheaval.

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