Tuesday, July 5, 2011

More on first lines

In my mind, I've been reworking some chapters in my first volume of my Fashion and Fiends series. Except the more I contemplate, the more I think I'm treading into rewrite territory instead of edit... Is this Galen's story (the villain from Manipulations and Courting Apparitions, the first two volumes in the series) or is it someone else's story?

The ideas I've found make Galen a better character, and I think he needs them unless I'm willing to relegate him to a less-than-my-best status and I don't think I am ready for that.

I opened my file and planned to read the text noting what edits would be necessary if I implemented my ideas. It became overwhelming quickly. So I started drafting potential new first chapters. And today, after six weeks of summer class and no real word gain on any of my personal projects, I wrote this line as my proposed new opening:

The sanctuary trembled on shockwaves of heat, rattling the century-old stained glass, as Galen flung his wooden staff toward his lover. 

Of course, I already want to change "lover" to "sister" and show them doing something naughty in the next sentence.

I suppose the moral of this blog remains to be seen, but I have to reiterate that you have to follow your instincts when you think something is wrong with the text.

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